Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer.
Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.
They both got down to business and wrote lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead. When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures — all kinds of bells and whistles.
God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, ‘I’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing! My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?’
God replied, ‘Everybody knows — Jesus Saves.’
A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on an aeroplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it’s a really easy game. He explains, ‘I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.’ Again the Engineer declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, ‘Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $50! ‘ Now that has the Engineer’s attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, ‘What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?’ The Engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.
Now it’s the Engineer’s turn. He asks the Programmer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?’ The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50, turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, ‘Well, what’s the answer to the question?’ Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and goes back to sleep.
One afternoon, an engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his, also an engineering student, who said, “Wow! That sure is a great bike. Where did you get it?”
“Well, the darndest thing happened,” said the first engineering student. “A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted.”
“Wow,” remarked his friend. “That’s great. Good move. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
An engineer, manager and programmer are driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes fail and the car careens down the road out of control.
Half way down, the driver manages to stop the car by running it up an embankment narrowly avoiding going over a cliff.
They all get out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but are otherwise unharmed.
The manager said, “To fix this problem we need to organise a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.”
The engineer said, “No, that would take too long, and besides that method has never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.”
The programmer said, “I think you’re both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again!”