Category Archives: Joke of the Week

Question: What is the sum of 2 + 2?

An accountant will say, “What do you want the answer to be?”

A mathematician will say, “I believe it is 4 but I will have to prove it.”

A statistician will say, “The population is too small to give an accurate answer but on the basis of the data supplied the answer lies between 3 and 5.”

An economist will say, “Based on today’s thinking the answer is 4 but the answer may be different tomorrow”.

An engineer will say, “The answer is 4 but, adding a safety factor, we will call it 5”.

A new study found that ⅔ of people cannot add or subtract fractions correctly, the other ½ can.

The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn’t teach:

• There are at least 10 types of capacitors;
• Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work;
• Not everything works according to the specifications in the operation manual;
• Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex maths, which you will never use.
• Always try to fix the hardware with software.
• Engineering is like having an 8.00am class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
• Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
• Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
• If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.

Every problems needs two engineers:

One to find the solution for the problem and one to find the problem with the solution.

If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

The more I C, the less I see.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.

If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

ENGINEERING FACT

An opinion without 3.14 is an onion.

You’ll understand.

A doctor and an engineer both love the same girl.

The doctor gives her a rose every day. The engineer gives her an apple every day.

The doctor asks, “Why?”

The engineer replies, ”An apple a day keeps the  doctor away!”

1.      Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi.

2.      Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond.

3.      Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong.

4.      Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon.

5.      1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz.

6.      Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower.

7.      1 million microphones = 1 megaphone.

8.      2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles.

9.      365.25 days = 1 unicycle.

10.   2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird.

11.   52 cards = 1 decacards.

12.   1,000 millilitres of wet socks = 1 litrehosen.

13.   1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche.

14.   1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin.

15.   10 rations = 1 decoration.

16.   2 monograms = 1 diagram.

17.   4 nickels = 2 paradigms.

18.   Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line.