Monthly Archives: March 2014

A primary school teacher was asking his students what their parents did for a living. “Tom, you be first. What does your mother do all day?” Tom stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.”

“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?” Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a postman.” “Thank you, Amy” said the teacher.

“What does your father do, Johnny?” Johnny proudly stood up and announced, “My dad plays piano in a whorehouse.”

The teacher was aghast and went to Johnny’s house and rang the doorbell. Johnny’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Johnny’s father said, “I’m actually a system programmer specialising in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”

Life Before the Computer:

• An application was for employment
• A program was a TV show
• A cursor used profanity
• A keyboard was a piano!
• Memory was something that you lost with age
• If you had a 3 ½ inch floppy, you hoped nobody found out!
• Compress was something you did to garbage, not something you did to a file
• And if you unzipped anything in public, you’d be in jail for awhile!
• Log on was adding wood to a fire
• A hard drive was a long trip on the road
• A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
• Cut, you did with scissors
• Paste, you did with glue
• A web was a spider’s home
• And a virus was the flu!

A program manager has been working his team extra hard and as a small reward offers to take two of the engineers out to lunch.

Walking to the restaurant they trip over a magic lamp and out pops a genie offering them each one wish.

The first engineer asks for a yacht in the Pacific with $1 million on board and 20 beautiful girls. Poof! He is off to his yacht in the Pacific.

The second engineer says, “That sounds great! I’ll have the same, except put my yacht in the Caribbean.” Poof! He is off to his yacht in the Caribbean.

“And what is your wish?” the genie asks the program manager. “I want those two back at work in 30 minutes.”

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth surgeon said, “I like Engineers…they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end…”