Monthly Archives: April 2014

Engineering Humour – Joke of the Week – 29 April 2014

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He looks around and sees that hell is in a state of disrepair and convinces Satan that he can make some improvements. Within two weeks he has air conditioning, elevators, and indoor plumbing throughout hell and the damned are starting to enjoy themselves.

God sees this and goes down to find out what happened. He gets the story from Satan and tells Satan that the engineer was obviously meant to go to heaven. Satan refuses to give up the engineer, saying “I like the way things are going.”

God says, “Give him back or I’ll sue the pants off you.”

Satan asks, “Where are you going to get a lawyer?”

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Engineering Humour – Joke of the Week – 22 April 2014

A doctor and an engineer both love the same girl.

The doctor gives her a rose every day. The engineer gives her an apple every day.

The doctor asks, “Why?”

The engineer replies, ”An apple a day keeps the  doctor away!”

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Engineering Humour – Joke of the Week – 15 April 2014

1.      Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi.

2.      Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond.

3.      Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong.

4.      Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon.

5.      1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz.

6.      Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower.

7.      1 million microphones = 1 megaphone.

8.      2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles.

9.      365.25 days = 1 unicycle.

10.   2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird.

11.   52 cards = 1 decacards.

12.   1,000 millilitres of wet socks = 1 litrehosen.

13.   1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche.

14.   1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin.

15.   10 rations = 1 decoration.

16.   2 monograms = 1 diagram.

17.   4 nickels = 2 paradigms.

18.   Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line.

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Engineering Humour – Joke of the Week – 8 April 2014

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a C monkey please.”

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, “That’ll be $5,000.”

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, “That was a very expensive monkey. They cost  only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?”

The shopkeeper answered, “Oh, that monkey can program in C; very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage.

“That one’s even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?”

“Oh, that one s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do anything, but it says it’s a Project Manager.”

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Engineering Humour – Joke of the Week – 1 April 2014

A programmer’s wife says to him, “Go to the supermarket and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer returns with 12 loaves of bread.

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